I do miss my father my mother
Being the center of their attention is always my favorite, my addiction, my habbit, things I am born with
And I know they aren't gonna change that
Since I declare myself that I am their "only" child
I know I am selfish, but who else not?
I thought I would be as happy as before, here, with "them" as a replacements of my father my mother
But, having "them" here is meaningless
Is it just me or is it really the reality?
I want to be treated the way I should be
Not as an outsider comin to "their" life that should ask "their" attention by text or call "them" first
But as a part-of-"their"-life that should worth to be asked "hows life there girl?" or "what are you up to this long weekend?" like my father my mother always did when it comes to weekend worrying their "only" child facing some boredness in town
That kind of those
I know we were separated home for 10years and counting now
So I used to be at this kind of situation and how to handle it
But sometimes it's hurting me deep down on my heart
What kind of bond do we have actually as we were acting like this?
Pretending we can live on our own, emm maybe "they" really can but unfortunately I can't
Why do I feel so lonely even I have "them" close?
I understand I have no right of anyone else's life
I have no right of anyone else's happiness
And shouldn't I be happy when "they" are happy even without me?
Of course I should, I am, no doubt!
But why do this selfish-me hate it?
Is it kind of my jealousy or do "they" really (pretend to) forget there's me living in the same town so "they" can enjoy it without an outsider?
Or even both?
Can't get this answer yet..
One thing I get that this selfish-me are faking a smile watching "them" from a far
How bad I am! And I know I am bad, I do know
Good night, then, since I have a deadline should be done before 9am tomorrow. Wish my doings at office can distract me away far far away from this kind of thing